she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The air taste purple.
Randomize
