I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You can't motorboat a personality
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
