All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Liz is crying about burritos again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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