Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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