dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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