I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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