yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
