Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
