So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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