I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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