Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
