Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
