dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
