youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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