Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
