Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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