i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
