the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
