i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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