Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
