i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
