If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
