with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
