god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
