That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
