i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
