on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
