bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
