HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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