I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
