he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
