I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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