Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
