Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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