He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
