i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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