Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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