I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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