I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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