All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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