What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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