I wish I could punch you in the face.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
