D3 body, D1 cock
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
