On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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