im about as happy as oj after his trial
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't turn off my feet"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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