I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What drink are we having for lunch?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
