I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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