grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
