How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
