I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
