You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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