There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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