She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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