i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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