i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
